Non-Binary Pronouns

What Are Non-Binary Pronouns?

The non-binary pronouns are "they," "them," and "their." When talking about someone who identifies as non-binary, use "they/them" (not "he/him" or "she/her"), and use "their" (not "his/her").

Some people identify themselves as both male and female while others as neither male nor female. (The singer Sam Smith is a famous example.)

Described as "non-binary," many of those who do not identify as male or female prefer to use the pronoun "they" (and of course "their," "them," "theirs," "themself") instead of "he" or "she."

Occasionally, a non-binary person might ask you to use their name instead of a pronoun (e.g., "Sarah," "Sarah's," "Sarah's self") when talking about them. (I have bolded "about" because there is no issue if you're talking to them.)

Simple Guidance

The following rule will see you right in 95% of circumstances.

Don't Use	Do Use
he or she	they
him or her	them
his or her	their

Put simply, don't use the pronouns that identify the person as male or female. While that seems easy enough, it can lead to some awkward-sounding sentences as singular and plural concepts collide. More on this to come...

The pronouns only change when you're talking ABOUT one non-binary person.

Before we discuss the grammatical quirks, it is worth noting that this only affects you when you are talking about one non-binary person. It doesn't affect you if you are talking to a non-binary person, about yourself (if you are non-binary), or to several non-binary people.

Table with Pronoun Changes for a Non-Binary Person

The table below shows where the changes occur.

Person	Subjective Case	Objective Case	Possessive Determiner	Possessive Pronouns	Reflexive Pronouns
First Person Singular	I	me	my	mine	myself
Second Person Singular	you	you	your	yours	yourself
Third Person Singular	he > they she > they Sarah	him > them her > them Sarah	his > their her > their Sarah's	his > theirs hers > theirs Sarah's	himself > themself* herself > themself* Sarah self
First Person Plural	we	us	our	ours	ourselves
Second Person Plural	you	you	your	yours	yourselves
Third Person Plural	they	them	their	theirs	themselves

Grammatical Quirks

Here are two grammatical quirks associated with non-binary pronouns.

(Quirk 1) "They" is plural, but the person's name isn't.

• He They is are taking his their exams tomorrow.
(This sounds natural because we have plurals throughout, i.e., "they," "are," and "their.")
• Jo is taking his their exams tomorrow.
(This sounds less natural. We now have two singulars ("Jo" and "is") with a plural ("their"). This example is correct though.)

Even though the last example might sound awkward, "their" is routinely used as a singular in English. Look at this example:

• Anyone who forgets their passport will be sent home.
(This example also has two singulars ("anyone" and "forgets") with a plural ("their"). Using "their" is a perfectly acceptable alternative, actually a strong preference, to writing "his/her." This has nothing to do with non-binary people. This example has been included to highlight that "their" is already used as a singular.)

Read more about "they" and "their" being singular in standard English.

(*Quirk 2) Use "themself" instead of "themselves."

When referring to one non-binary person, use "themself" not "themselves." For example:

• She They is are managing herself themself.
(The word "themself" is still not listed in many dictionaries. If you try to write "themself," your autocorrect will change it to "themselves." However, when using a reflexive pronoun for one non-binary person, you should use "themself.")

The growing popularity of "themself" as a standard word has been helped by the rise of people identifying themselves as non-binary. However, in truth, "themself" has been in common use for decades and has been gradually catching up "yourself/yourselves," which does make the distinction between singular and plural.

• You can do it yourself.
(Talking to one person)
• You can do it yourselves.
(Talking to several people)
• They can do it themself.
(Talking about one person)
• They can do it themselves.
(Talking about several people)

Remember that "they" can be singular or plural (just like "you"). For example:

• If a student cheats, they will be dismissed.
• If students cheat, they will be dismissed.

Therefore, it makes sense to have a singular and plural version of the reflexive pronoun, i.e., "themself" and "themselves" (just like "yourself" and "yourselves").

The Emergence of Other Gender-Neutral Pronouns

You might also have noticed other gender-neutral pronouns appearing. "Ey," "per," "sie," "ve," and "zie" are all recently proposed alternatives to "he" or "she," but at present none is showing any signs of entering into common usage.

A Test on Using Non-Binary Pronouns

Here is a test to help you with selecting the correct non-binary pronouns and associated verbs.

Key Point

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